PYRAMIS PATTERN'S TEST-KNITTERS

Melissa’s Pyramis

Size 3 on 37”/94cm bust and 42.75”/109cm hip

Yarn: Premier Cotton Fair - it is soft, drapey, heavy, but it stretched out after a few wears.

Yardage: 1100 yards/1005 meters

Modification: Added 2 inches (20 extra sts)

Notes: May make a smaller size next time.

Finished measurements: Hip - 43”/109cm (became 46”/117cm after a few wears), chest - 59.5”/151cm (became 58”/147cm after wear). body length - 23”/58.5cm

Click here for Melissa’s Ravelry project page. She is also on Instagram at MisLisKnits.

Catherine’s Pyramis

Size 1 on 36.5”/93cm bust and 36”/91.5cm hip

Yarn: Purple color is Classic Elite Telluride - 82/12/6 percent alpaca/linen/Donegal

Green color is Universal Yarn Wool Pop - 50/35/15 percent bamboo/superwash wool/polyamide

Yardage: 330 yards/302 meters of each color

Modifications: She knitted it with a looser gauge (17.5 sts x 34 rows), so the finished top turned out bigger. Also, Catherine knitted three rounds of 1x1 twisted rib all in purple color.

Finished measurements: Hip - 40”/102cm, chest - 48”/123cm, body length - 18.5”/47cm.

Click here for Catherine’s Ravelry project page. She is also on Instagram at Catherine_this_life

Olha’s Pyramis

Size 2 on 35.75”/91cm bust and 37.5”/95cm hip

Yarn: Luxury Selection (90/10 cotton/silk) and Silvedd Filati (100% silk). These yarns are drapey, so the top’s hip stretched out.

Yardage: 470 yards/430 meters of grey and 427 yards/390 meters of rose

Modification: worked the neck’s I-Cord with smaller needles

Finished measurements: Hip - 46.5”/118cm, chest - 53.5”/136cm, body length - 19.75”/50cm.

Click here to see Olha’s Ravelry project page. She is also on Instagram at Olhareva

Anne’s Pyramis

Size 1 on 34.25”/87cm bust and 37”/94cm hip

Yarn: Noro Silk Garden Sock, Grignasco Champagne

Yardage: 220 yards/201 meters of each yarn

Modifications: none

Finished measurements: Hip - 37½”/95.5cm, chest - 51½”/131cm

Click here to see Anne’s Ravelry project page. She is also on Instagram at Anneswolle.

Kristina’s Pyramis

Size 5 on 47.75”/121cm bust and 47.25”/120cm hip

Yarn: Amy Butler Belle Organic DK from Rowan, 50/50 percent wool/cotton

Yardage: 1179 yards/1078 meters in the garment, the finished garment weighs 449g.

Modification: Added bust dart as suggested in the pattern

Notes: Gauge was spot on on the gauge swatch, but the garter stitch row gauge really stretches out in a large garment even if blocked smaller

Finished measurements: Hip - 53.5”/136cm initially, 56”/142cm after wear, chest - 67”/170cm initially, 63”/160cm after wear, and body length - 20.5”/52cm initially, 22”/56cm after wear

Click here to see Kristina’s Ravelry project page. She is also on Instagram at Spinnkrok.

Cesca’s Pyramis

Size 2 on 35.5”/90cm bust and 37.75”/96cm hip

Yarn: Juniper Moon Farm Patagonia Organic (Sport weight, 100% wool) and De Rerum Natura Ulysse (Sport weight, 100% wool)

Yardage: dark color - 458 yards/419 meters and light color - 466 yards/426 meters

Modification: added 3/4 sleeves, used provisional crochet cast-on to work a 3-needle-bind-off on the side seams and to have live sts for the armhole finishing

Finished measurements: Hip - 41.25”/105cm, chest - 49.5”/126cm, and body length 20.75”/52.5cm

Click here to see Cesca’s Ravelry project page. They are also on Instagram at FelixAguilarCrafts.

Melissa’s Cropped Pyramis

Size 4 on 42”/107cm bust and 46”/117cm hip

Yarn: Neighborhood Fiber Co's Capital Luxury Sport yarn (80/10/10 percent merino/cashmere/silk) - the yarn is smooth and soft with some drape.

Yardage: 434 yards/397 meters of the darker color and 462 yards/422 meters of the second, lighter color

Modification: added 2 rows of the second color at the side seams to continue the pattern, omitted the neck I-Cord

Notes: should only add a single row on one edge next time, so as to make one row of the second color, then add the second row with mattress stitch

Finished measurements: Hip - 54”/137cm, chest - 56”/142cm, and body length - 18”/46cm

Click here to see Melissa’s Ravelry project page. She is also on Instagram at MG.wears.things.

Beth’s Pyramis

Size 7 on 44”/112cm bust and 56”/142cm hip

Yarn: Cascade Yarns Anchor Bay - it has form without being too stiff.

Yardage: 1300 yards/1188 meters

Modifications: none

Notes: The top fits bigger than expected

Finished measurements: Hip - 65”/165cm, chest - 78”/198cm, and body length - 21”/53.5cm

Click here to see Beth’s Ravelry project page. She is also on Instagram at SchuffBeth.

Flying Home Top Pattern Release and Test-Knitters' versions

Flying Home Top is finally ready for its release and I would like to take a moment to chat about the pattern itself, the amazing pattern testers, and their versions of this top.

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First off, the top you see on the pattern cover page is Size 2 modeled by me (my upper bust is 33”/84cm and full bust is 35”/89cm). I have about 7.5”/19cm of positive ease around my full bust, but it doesn’t look like it, does it? It’s because the tucks get longer towards the center and each tuck gradually adds more ease to the front and creates an A-line shaping. The top is knitted sideways, with the front worked in two pieces sewn in the front center and the back is worked as one piece. The sides are seamed with mattress stitch.

The pattern includes notes about adjusting sizes for bigger cup sizes and adding length to the top in general or just the front by adding bust darts.

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I knitted this sample with Seismic Yarn Cellular in Thai Ice colorway. This base is a 60/40 percent blend of organic cotton and linen. This yarn costs $28 per 100g skein, and I used 2 skeins of it, so it was $56 total, plus shipping. I loved knitting with this yarn as it was soft (for a linen blend yarn), round, dense, and drapey. I also liked that it’s not very slippery like the 100% linen yarns I have tried. It felt very much like knitting with cotton, but it is definitely drapier than pure cotton, and drapiness is what I was after for this design!

I also made a second sample using a more affordable yarn - Knit Picks’ Lindy Chain. The content is very similar to the previous yarn; it’s also a blend of cotton and linen, but there is much more linen here (70% linen and 30% cotton). Plus, the yarn has the chainette construction. While I was able to get the gauge and I love this Turmeric colorway (btw there’s a lot of colors to choose from), knitting with this yarn was a bit tricky. I kept snagging the individual strands of the yarn and had to be very attentive and careful, which meant my knitting slowed down significantly. Despite that, I think this is a great value for the price ($6.99 per 50g ball). I used 4 balls of this yarn, bringing the total yarn cost to $28, plus shipping.

Ok, now let me tell you about the amazing pattern testers and their Flying Home Tops!

1. Tara’s Flying Home Top

Tara used Knit Picks’ Lindy Chain in Urchin colorway. She knitted Size 5, and she’s wearing it with 4”/10cm of positive ease around her full bust. She didn’t make any modifications to the pattern, which was a great decision because the top looks fantastic on Tara! Click here for Tara’s project notes on Ravelry and here to see her Instagram feed chock-full of beautiful knits!

2. Anne’s Flying Home Top

Anne used her own Little Skein Pianta (this base is not available yet), a yarn base that is identical to Seismic Yarn Cellular. And, because she is an amazing yarn dyer herself, she dyed this gorgeous shade of pinkish-beige colorway called Apple Blossom. She knitted Size 3, and she’s wearing it with 6”/15cm of positive ease around her full bust. She didn’t make any modifications to the pattern either. You can find Anne’s project notes on Ravelry by clicking here. Be sure to check out her yarny Instagram feed!

3. Jasmin’s Flying Home Top

Jasmin used Tess Yarns Raw Silk, which is a 100% silk yarn. This is the Mango colorway and it totally lives up to its name! Jasmin knitted Size 4, and she’s wearing it with 6.75”/17cm of positive ease around her full bust. Because Jasmin’s stitch gauge was slightly different than the one in the pattern, she decided to adjust her stitch count to make sure she got the necessary length (because the top is knitted sideways). To see more of Jasmin’s knits, check out her fun, colorful Instagram pages here and here. Jasmin is also a host of the Knit More Girls podcast, a multi-generational knitting production.

4. Rachel’s Flying Home Top

Rachel used Knit Picks’ Lindy Chain in Turmeric and Conch colorways. She wanted to use up the leftover yarn balls from her stash and that’s how she came up with this fun way of color-blocking her top. She knitted Size 1 with no modifications, and she is wearing it with 3-4”/7.5-10cm of positive ease around her full bust. You can find Rachel’s project notes on Ravelry by following this link. Rachel also shares her knitting and sewing projects on her Instagram page.

5. Emily’s Flying Home Top

Emily knitted her top with Seismic Yarn Cellular in Dragongruit Punch colorway - isn’t it the perfect name for this color?! She knitted Size 2, and she’s wearing it with 8.5”/22cm of positive ease around her full bust. Emily wrote up lots of helpful notes on her project page on Ravelry - be sure to check it out! Emily also shares her knits and other makes on her Instagram page!

6. Julia’s Flying Home Top

Julia used a 100% viscose yarn with an output of 320 yards per 100grams. She enjoyed working with this yarn because it is soft and pleasant to wear in the summer, but the top stretched lengthwise quite a bit after washing. To get the correct gauge, Julia used needles one size bigger than recommended as she knits more tightly (she used US 4 / 3.5mm). She is wearing Size 1 with 7”/17.5cm of positive ease around her full bust. To see Julia’s project page on Ravelry, click here. To see more of her knits, check out her Instagram page here!

7. Josephine’s Flying Home Top

Josephine knitted this top while learning Portuguese knitting! If you’re not familiar with this method, read up on it here - it’s quite fascinating! Apparently, it is great for people who have arthritis or carpal tunnel syndrome as it involves minimal hand movement. Anyway, back to Josephine and her top: she used Seismic Yarn Cellular in Rhubarb colorway. She made Size 1 and she’s wearing it with about 5”/13cm of positive ease around her full bust. Josephine cast on both sides of the front at the same time, which I think is a terrific idea for keeping the gauge consistent and making sure both sides are symmetrical. However, she did not enjoy the Kitchener stitch in the front center and is planning to make another version of this top where she will work the front as one piece (rather than two pieces sewn in the middle). I think that’s a great idea to try out, but it will make all the pleats face in one direction instead of symmetrically radiating from the center front. I think it will still look beautiful, and if you can’t stand the Kitchener, it’s definitely a good modification to this design! By the way, click here to see Josephine’s project page on Ravelry and check out her Instagram page here (so many yummy pictures of food)!

8. Melissa’s Flying Home Top

Melissa knitted her top using Seismic Yarn Cellular in Evoo colorway - and I’m so in love with it! Melissa knitted Size 3, but because this was her first time working with a linen-blend yarn, getting the right gauge was difficult and the top turned out bigger than she expected. I think the top looks beautiful on Melissa - it has a beautiful loose/breezy vibe! Check out Melissa’s project page on Ravelry and check out her Instagram where Melissa shares all her knitting, sewing and cooking!

9. Kim’s Flying Home Top

Kim knitted her top using KPC Yarn Gossyp 4ply, a 100% organic cotton yarn, in Midnight colorway. She knitted Size 2 and she’s wearing it with 6.5”/17cm of positive ease around her full bust. Kim made the straps .5”/1cm longer than recommended, but her top and straps stretched more after wear, so she plans to make the straps shorter for her next top (she’s already knitting another Flying Home Top in a different color). Click here to see Kim’s project notes on Ravelry. Kim is also a knitting instructor based in Hong Kong, so if you’d like to book a lesson/workshop with her, check out her business page on Facebook!

Interview with Sukrita Mahon: Pattern Pricing, Financial Accessibility and Inclusivity

Hi Sukrita! Thank you so much for agreeing to sit down and chat with me. I have long been admiring your outspokenness, your thoughts and incredible amount of work you have done to educate people on anti-racism, dismantling white supremacy, and fostering inclusivity in the knitting world.

I will be honest, your last couple posts on Instagram have initially made me uncomfortable, so I sat with my discomfort for a few days, after which I decided to ask you directly about my confusions.

1. With your recent posts, are you saying designers should undervalue and not charge their worth for their work so more people can afford knitting patterns?

No, not at all. Designers work is undervalued and it’s a deep, systemic problem. It's absolutely fair to say designers are not paid their worth. But the issues were around the kind of discussions that were happening, where white women were simply saying "increase your patterns by 100% and people will pay"... Which is extremely insensitive to those who can't afford it. The concerns about affordability are shrugged off in favour of apparently white people making more money! As usual, to be honest. Knitting is already a very insular community that isn't welcoming enough to lower income people. That was the point of my posts.

I would like to see the pricing discussion reflect the diverse customer base, not just focused on rich, white people yet again. That's all.

2. It sounds like you’re saying white = wealthy and non-white = low income. Do I understand you correctly? Could you expand on this a bit more?

I didn’t make up the disparity out of nothing, the evidence for median income according to race and gender is well-documented. This Wikipedia page is a good starting point, as is this census chart.

It should be noted though that the only reason Asian is on top is because Asian men earn significantly more than most people (due to education) -- Asian women still tend to earn less than White or Asian men. See this for reference.

Setting that aside, I’m only pointing out what it looks like to me, especially in the online community, and I know I’m not the only one who sees it. The average white crafter seems to think nothing of spending lots of money on a project bag, or hundreds of dollars on yarn for a single sweater. In most podcasts hosted by white people, the unstated assumption is that this is the norm -- which it is really not. Somehow, the loudest voices in the room end up being (or appearing) rich and white.

3. As for the pattern prices, to be honest, I was in support of the idea of raising prices for patterns, not by 100%, but maybe by 10-20% to better reflect the value of work that goes into publishing a pattern. I have increased the last couple patterns I published by half a dollar and a dollar respectively. I couldn’t imagine raising much higher than that. I agree with you that it’s a privilege to get to design, but I also have trouble with the push to keep pattern prices low even if it means many designers won’t be able to continue doing this work, especially lower income designers. The way I interpreted your words, please correct me if I am wrong, is that designers should get a second job or something so they can keep pattern prices low for people to be able to afford them. If not, they should just give up on designing. While I agree it’s a privilege to get to do what you love doing for a living, I’m wondering if you’re saying people shouldn’t pursue knitwear design as a valid career choice and a valid income source?

I'm not saying that at all. People are free to increase their prices, it's hard to make a living doing anything in fibre arts. You do what you have to do.

But I do have trouble with making spaces more exclusive than they already are. Of course, I support designers, but I have been seeing a lot of really entitled behaviour from white designers specifically.

I firmly believe that creative work should be valued much more than it is -- I am one of those underpaid fibre artists too. That’s why it’s doubly strange to see white people asking to be paid more, as if they’re the only ones struggling to make a living. There seems to be a severe lack of awareness and education around what it even means to be a crafter: its devaluation today has its roots firmly in colonialism and imperialism.

It is deeper than the conversation seems to want to allow space for.

4. So, you’re saying raising prices at the scope Hanna Lisa Haferkamp* suggested is sort of a “quick fix” that won’t do anything good to anyone? How do you envision knitwear designers getting fairly compensated for their work while keeping in mind there are many low income knitters who can’t afford buying patterns at these new prices? You’ve mentioned Aroha Knits and a few other designers trialing “pay what you can” idea... also you mentioned TinCanKnits free** patterns as an example.

My solution, as Aboubakar Fofana says, is impossible. If it’s true equality and fairness we want to achieve as crafters, then it will take a dismantling of systems well beyond the design world.

But we can start with being aware of the effect we have on the world around us.

Instead of seeking personal gain, we can try to build an alternative, inclusive environment that celebrates everything about what we do. I see our power in the ability to inspire each other, and that’s something we can keep doing regardless of our financial situation (hopefully).

Every business is unique and every designer’s vision for what is possible is unique to them. I look forward to seeing innovative ways of addressing the issue. What was possible for Tin Can Knits with their free patterns may not be possible for a one-person team; others may not want to try the ‘pay what you can’ model if they’re not confident in their customer base. Being honest with yourself about what you can do is really important.

5. What do you mean by “relinquishing privilege” when you ask that of designers? What does it look like?

Relinquishing privilege is directed (mainly) at white/middle class designers who have a lot of opportunities that others don't have. There are so many things they can be doing to make the community better and helping other people. I don't see them doing that, so to demand a price rise is absurd.

I don't think it applies to everyone, BIPOC designers have less privilege and I still see them/you doing so much for the community.

6. I saw a post on Instagram asking an interesting question of whether knitters are a community or a market. From what you have said, it sounds like you think it is (or should be) a community. Can’t it be a market at the same time? What considerations (ethical etc) should businesses keep in mind when marketing to knitters on Instagram?

Isn’t it both already?

White people love ethical consumption as long as it doesn’t involve thinking about people or the society we live in. You can’t have ethical businesses that are against inclusivity, or diversity. By focusing their marketing strategy on those who have the most money, businesses are actively being exclusive.

I think most makers know how to cater to the fibre market-community already. It’s an industry based on engagement with the community. I guess my main piece of advice would be to know who your customer base is, and why.

Thank you Sukrita*** for your thoughts. I really appreciate you taking time to explain all this.


* Hanna has since posted an update about switching to “Pay What You Can” pricing model.

**Free patterns are not really free. A lot of hours and resources go into them. Patterns are offered free for many reasons: mainly, to advertise other patterns, increasing customers’ trust and loyalty, to sell featured yarns, etc. If you enjoy the free patterns by your favorite designers, be sure to show your support and appreciation if and when you can.

***If you found this post valuable, you can buy coffee (Ko-Fi) for Sukrita following this link.

Finding My Balance on Nauryz

Today, March 22, is an important holiday in Kazakh culture. It’s called Nauryz (meaning “new day”), and it coincides with the Spring Equinox. The holiday celebrates the balance between day and night, harmony in nature and our lives, the beginning of new year, and peace among people. Growing up in Kazakhstan, I loved this holiday as a kid because there were so many festivities and so much good food and everybody seemed happy on this day. As an adult, it’s the holiday that always kindles hope for more balance and harmony for me. This Nauryz, I realized balance and harmony are the very things I’ve been missing in my life lately. I decided to reclaim them by writing my reflections on things that have been causing me a lot of distress lately.

The conversations of racism in the knitting community that started in January of 2019 affected me deeply. As I read posts and heard stories, I felt instant recognition. I felt like what I have been missing in my time in the knitting community, what I could not quite put a finger on, was finally being talked about -- in a language that was new, scary and cathartic to me. Scary because people were hurt and accusations were made. But cathartic because it confirmed something I had been feeling for a long time but lacked the ability to articulate it.

When I was 30 years old, I left my entire life behind and moved to a different part of the world to be with the person I love. In Kazakhstan, I valued my independence, I earned enough to support my parents and brother, I had an established circle of friends. When I arrived to the US, I had to start my life all over. Because of my visa status, I couldn’t apply for jobs, my teaching certificate was not valid here, and, on top of that, we found out we were expecting a baby. In the search for a new identity in a new place, I picked up knitting as a way to keep my mind occupied. Later knitting turned into a life-saver as new motherhood left me completely lonely and isolated. Knitting kept me awake during night-time nursing sessions, and helped me keep my sanity as I held my babies upright throughout the night due to their severe reflux.  During an extremely lonely period, I started sharing my creations online. The warm feedback and compliments from strangers helped me feel a little less lonesome.

As my work gained more attention, I started to sell my knitting designs to support my hobby. As my patterns began to sell slowly and consistently (bringing in a modest income), I started to wonder if I could make this a sustainable form of income as a stay-at-home mom. What I saw on social media led me to believe that I could give this a try. On Instagram, I noticed many stay-at-home moms who seemed to have turned their passions into sustainable businesses that let them support their families and give back to their communities.

So, I worked hard to learn knitwear design -- I took online classes, read  books, and knit a lot. I noticed how successful designers used certain yarns, certain brands, certain products, and had relationships and friendships with key players in the industry. I tried to keep up with the latest trends in the knitting world, tried to foster connections, and tried knitting with patterns designed by successful designers to learn from them. But it seemed like I was missing something. My pattern sales didn’t reflect the growth in my skills.

On Instagram, the posts/Stories where I shared thoughts and feelings about being an immigrant and person of color in this country got the least engagement of all my posts. Some even unfollowed me right afterwards. Just recently, I mentioned Kazakhstan in my Instagram Stories and immediately lost followers. The patterns where I’m the one modeling designs get the least amount of sales. The feeling of being an outsider kept nagging at me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I thought  it was just in my head as my husband (who is white) constantly tried to reassure me that people didn’t treat me differently here because I am Central Asian, an immigrant and have a different accent.

In these past few months,  I started to pay attention to how little diversity I saw among the successful people in the knitwear design world. Before, I dismissed my own feelings  of being an outsider, of not seeing anyone that looked like me held up as “success”, because I thought I was the only one who had these feelings. It was too easy for me to dismiss and erase my own feelings. When I visited Stitches Midwest and Vogue Knitting Live this past year, I was in awe of the diversity and creativity of the attendees. But this diversity was not reflected in the works that were featured by the vendors, in the displays, in the teaching staff, or publications. I also started to notice how white-washed my Instagram feed had become and how little diversity I saw in the feeds of the people/companies I was following and then emulating.

Since January, big-name designers and companies started sharing how they’ll now try to be more open, inclusive, and transparent, while they then quickly moved on with their regular programming. It felt like business as usual for them. Other brands completely disregarded this subject. Social media started to feel like a big crevasse with people sharing the pain of injustice on one side and unaffected people continuing to push their patterns, yarns, and products on the other. I found myself falling into an abyss of confusion, sadness, and disappointment.

Because I felt it was important to add my voice and experience, I started to join the conversations of anti-racism and fostering inclusivity. That also led me to question my own integrity in working with people, products, and brands whose position on the matters of inclusivity were vague, which seemed to show their indifference. Some well-established figures in the knitting world started following my account and one prominent publication reached out with words of sympathy and a vague promise on collaboration in the future. Given that they never showed interest before or after this message, this felt like maybe they were paying lip-service in the hopes I wouldn’t speak out against them. A few designers  and small companies I had previously established relationships with seemed to distance themselves from me (ignoring my direct messages and a drop in their engagement with me on social media). I couldn’t help but wonder, are they uncomfortable with my recent involvement in anti-racism conversations? Should I have just stayed silent and played it safe? If I had, would they still be communicating with me now? The message I took away was that I should not talk openly about the problems within the community for the fear of losing existing relationships, collaborations, and contracts; and for the fear of ever securing any future ones.

Feeling worried  and confused, I reached out to a well-known figure in the knitting world who has been a big advocate for BIPOC/POC representation. She didn’t hesitate to help me navigate a tricky situation with a yarn company that I was collaborating with. The company had stopped answering important emails pertaining to our collaborative project, and their engagement with my IG account suddenly dropped, which left me concerned that the company might be against addressing the issues of racism and that they didn’t want me speaking up about it either. Thanks to the encouragement from this ally, I got enough courage to write to this company about their behavior. It turned out to be a series of unfortunate timing coincidences, but they reassured me they were on the side of inclusivity. But, to be honest, that intent did not come through in their initial, brief generic statements on Instagram, and the business-as-usual promotional content on their feed and nothing on their website.

Just recently, one of my designs got accepted by a publication that has never featured a non-white model or a designer. I was initially so excited thinking, “Finally, I’m good enough to be accepted!” But this excitement quickly wore off because of our interactions after that. There was a serious delay with sending the contract and their “take it or leave it” response to my request for extending their extremely tight deadline (due to the delay they themselves caused) left me wondering whether they really valued me as a designer or I was merely a token minority they felt obligated to include. I wondered, do they treat all their designers this way or was their business conduct an expression of how much they undervalue me as a designer of color?

I am  disappointed that the notion of “inclusivity” is commoditized in this way. As a knitwear designer who’s just starting to see the “behind the scenes” of the industry, I'm disappointed that once my design submissions get accepted, the deadlines and deliverables they expect are unrealistic, bordering on disrespectful. The time allotments for designing and knitting a sample(s) are simply untenable for designers who are either stay-at-home-parents or full-time working folks, who do knitwear design as a side hustle. Design commission payments I’ve received show me it can never become a sole income source, unless I publish an insane amount of patterns (a new design every week) or teach at many big profile fiber events. To teach at a fiber event (according to Clara Parks), a typical contract states that instructors cover the costs of travel/lodging and be responsible for filling the classes as the payment system is based on the number of students taught. Although, they may offer a stipend to partially cover the costs, to qualify for this stipend, one needs to teach 3-6 hours a day, which is often unlikely as organizers do not trust new teachers to schedule that many hours of classes per day. Clara noted herself how exploitative, though common, these contracts are, leaving newbie teachers in debt after teaching an event.

As for local yarn stores, I have visited and purchased from 4-5 that are near to where I live (Albany, NY). Although the interactions have been polite and courteous, I notice how their tone changes immediately when I inquire about possible teaching opportunities there (smile disappears from their face, and they find an excuse to end the conversation abruptly). The last one I visited told me the owner doesn’t hire anybody because she teaches all the classes herself. Quite accidentally, I overheard one of the ladies at my local Knit Night (where I’m the only person of color) share that she had been invited to teach classes at that same store. My heart sank, but I tried to brush it off thinking it’s probably an unfortunate coincidence. Is it though, or is it because as a young, Asian immigrant, I look so different from their clientele that I get automatically rebuffed?  Instances like this keep happening, and I’m starting to doubt these are merely coincidences.

No one says this outright, but it seems that whenever I bring up feelings of being “other” in my Instagram account, I end up alienating my followers. I lose followers, engagement drops and sales do not happen (compared to posts where I do not mention those topics). It almost as if the knitting community does not want knitting accounts to talk about politics, identity or belonging; they prefer pretty pictures of knitting. I would love to be able to do that, too. I wish could turn off my feelings of being an outsider, but, as a person of color, I do not have that privilege. I cannot avoid being who I am or keep erasing myself for the comfort of others. I do not want to be an activist, but I do not want to be erased either.

Last week, my husband and I had yet another conversation about my place and my future in knitwear design, and I finally had to face the hard truth that I don’t think I can make a career out of this because the industry feels like a rigged game. In Becoming, Michelle Obama shares that in the nonprofit world, only privileged people can afford staying in the field because that type of work doesn’t guarantee steady income. It’s usually white folks who dominate this field because they have support systems to help them (family, connections, financial support, inheritance, etc). The knitwear design world seems similar to what she’s describing, which is why I don’t see much diversity here either. I can’t afford to keep investing my time, energy, and money in an area that seems to have no space for my full self.

Perhaps once my sons start school next year, I’ll look a for a day job and scale back on designing. Realizing this is an option for me has taken the pressure off trying to succeed in this field, which in turn is allowing me to show my true self, focus on what’s important to me and speak my truth. I’ll make whatever time I have left as a knitwear designer count and will do my best to work with people and businesses who are dedicated to fostering inclusivity. With more opportunities for honest communication and feedback, maybe we’ll reach the point when people and businesses will know what true inclusivity (acceptance, respect, transparency, trust, equity) looks/feels like and will strive to foster it in their businesses. If anything, this kind person who extended her helping hand to me during the moments of utter frustration kindled a hope that there are people who are genuinely invested in transforming this community to an inclusive one, the kind I hope to be a part of.